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Larry, a local football star, was jogging down the street when he saw a building on fire. A lady was standing on a third-story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. "Hey lady!" yelled Larry. "Throw me the cat!" "No!" she cried. "It's too far!" "I play football, I can catch him!" The smoke was pouring from the windows, and finally the woman waved to Larry, kissed her cat goodbye, and tossed it down to the street. Larry kept his eye on the cat as it came plunging down toward him. The feline bounced off an awning and Larry ran into the street to catch it. He jumped six feet into the air and made a spectacular, one-handed catch. The crowd that had gathered to watch the fire broke into cheers. Larry did a little dance, lifted the cat above his head, wiggled his knees back and forth......then spiked the cat into the pavement.
Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy
in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like ... newborn babies. They're
cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like ... Road Kill. They usually
just lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like ... Plastic Wrap. Cheap.
Clingy. and very easy to see through.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in
the world does it take
to do the dishes? - Both of them.
How does a man show that he is planning for
the future?
- He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
- The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
- So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll
of toilet paper?
- We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good looking?
- They all already have boyfriends
When do you care for a man's company?
- When he owns it.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
- Put the remote control between his
toes
How are men and parking spots alike?
- Good ones are always taken. Free ones
are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
- He wouldn't ask for directions.
Men are like ....... laxatives. They irritate
the crap out of you.
Men are like ....... bank machines. Once they
withdraw they lose interest.
Men are like ...... weather. Nothing can be
done to change them.
Men are like..... Blenders. You need one,
but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like.... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth
and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like... coffee. The best ones are
rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like..... Commercials. You can't believe
a word they say.
Men are like.... Government Bonds. They take
so long to mature.
Men are like.... Horoscopes. They always tell
you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like... Mascara. They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like .... Popcorn. They satisfy you,
but only for a little while.
Men are like... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at,
but not very bright.
Men are like .... Parking Spaces. All the
good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he sits on a boat drinking beer all day.
